Letter to my sister....

Hi Naomi,
it's been nearly eight years since you left us. I cannot believe how the time has simultaneously gone by fast, and yet it feels like forever. It's funny how life goes on even when it feels like the world has crumbled around you. I do know that you cannot read or hear me, but I'm writing this to express some thoughts on what would have been your 42nd birthday.
First, let's start with something obvious. Losing a sibling hurts. Really, really hurts. They don't write many books about dealing with the loss of a sibling, and maybe it's not as severe as losing a parent or a child, but it's still up there in the grief column. I'm glad you never had to deal with that. I remember quite vividly the day you died. It was Thursday, January 20th around 10:30 am. Two Windham police officers pulled up in front of the house. I thought they were here about something else...two people had driven their car into the ditch right outside the house and kept the car there for a couple days, so I thought the police were asking about that. No. The officers asked if I was a relation of the Szostaks. I said "I'm the daughter." The officer didn't dress it down. He said, "Naomi died." And with those two words, the world changed. My world. I'm not going to dwell on the grief your passing caused. Needless to say, Mom and Dad turned grayer what seemed like immediately. Ashley, only 16 at the time......well, he struggled as anyone who loses a mother does. Grammy was heartbroken. Roger was angry...at least, that's how he expressed his grief.
Anyhow....the thing I learned through this is how much God loves us. I mean, I knew this before, but His love was manifested in the number of meals delivered, the cards, phone calls, words of encouragement. Andy was there for me. Friends spent time, laughed and cried with us. Pastor Dave was terrific. Spent time with us, was somehow more than a pastor...he was a friend and I think he felt your loss quite keenly himself. The whole church did. This is how God's love is made manifest...He uses other people to express that love. (Of course, He has more than one way of expressing love.)
And, over time, the pain eased. It is down to a dull roar. It has never gone away, but I've learned to live with it. I remember the humor you found in things. There was that Barenaked Ladies song, "Pinch Me." You loved that line, "I could hide out under there/ I just made you say under where?" When I heard that song for the first time, we were in the car and the song came on the radio. I remember when you were married and living in New York state. Your husband got cranky because we were eating Easter candy before breakfast. I said, "And good morning to you too, Mr. Grumpy!" I remember the animals you brought home....one of them, Stanley, whom you got in 1987, is still alive!!! The oldest cat I've ever seen. He's still living at Grammy's. You had a habit of leaving animals where ever you went. I think you would love my three, Harvey Hamster, Molly bunny, and Tia bunny. So cute. You would get a kick out of Tia running around with a newspaper on her head.
And a little over two years after your passing, Andy and I got married. I thought of you on my wedding day...you would have been my  maid of honor, no question. Christine, my closest girlfriend, stood in for you. Ash and Rog were ushers, Andy's friend Steve was his best man. Dad and I had our dance. Andy and his mom had their dance...a few short months before she became sick with pulmonary fibrosis. Only had a mother-in-law for 4 1/2 years. I gained a sister-in-law. Two years later, I gained a second sister-in-law...God found the perfect woman for Roger, Marcy. They now have a year old son, Abel, and another one on the way! (Yes, it was fast, but these things happen and we're overjoyed!) You would have loved to have been an aunt. You would love Abel to pieces...he looks like Roger. He is a bundle of energy.
Then, almost a year to the day after Rog and Marcy married, Ashley married Pastor Dave's daughter Alicia. You would have been so pleased. God put those two together as well....they make such a lovely couple. Wish you could have been there for their wedding as well. They are out in Wisconsin where Ash has an internship at a church there. You would be so proud of him...he's turned out so well.
Well, I'm getting a little tired, running out of words to say...but I still miss and think of you often. Please know how much your little sister loves and misses you.

Love, Sarah