"My grace is sufficient"...

Tonight a question popped up in my mind as I was driving home from taking Andy to work: If I cannot fathom the depth of my parents' love for me, how in the world could I begin to imagine the scale of God's love? It would be pretty darn impossible.

This line of thought occurred as I was feeling nostalgic and truth be told, a little homesick for my days spent singing in various choirs. Yes, it is exactly like a middle aged person reliving their glory days as the high school quarterback. Except I was one of many high school altos. This cropped up because I had been listening to "And the Glory of the Lord" from Handel's Messiah. For some reason, Messiah always makes me miss my chorus days.

During my high school days, I would have either chorus or orchestra first thing in the morning. Absolutely a perfect way to start the day. I always felt right at home in one of those two rooms. And when we'd be rehearsing, either singing or playing, I always got so caught up in the music that my problems shrunk, and my depression and anxiety were generally kept at bay.

I've been thinking about my struggle with depression lately. Right now I'm in a good place. I realized today that I was in the best mood I'd been in for quite a while, and I think the extended daylight may have something to with it. I've started to realize that God may have given me this disorder to get me to rely on Him. In 2 Corinthians, Paul wrote about the thorn in the his flesh.

But to keep me from getting puffed up, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from getting proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time He said, "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

This puts my battle with depression in a new light for me. I always have thought of it as a curse, a genetic family curse, when in reality this is how God does His work. Our best will never be good enough; our worst God is always able to work through. I just pray that I can have Paul's attitude. I pray that God will work through my weakness. How? I don't know. I just have to remember how much He loves me; a love so unfathomable, so deep, that we will never fully know it until He returns.